


You'll always have me

by BurnInFlames



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bipolar Ian, Depression, Derogatory Language, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Homophobia, Insecure Ian, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness Slurs from other people, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Mickey, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 15:56:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13193475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurnInFlames/pseuds/BurnInFlames
Summary: Ian's coworker that he hates a lot makes derogatory comments and false stereotypes to his face about mental illness. When Ian tries to defend himself without revealing his own struggle with mental illness and having bipolar disorder it brings up old insecurites and fears he thought were long buried. During a conversation with Mickey he finds out Mickey has some secrets of his own. He also finds out Mickey will do anything to protect his boyfriend and best friend.





	You'll always have me

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I wrote this a while ago after having to listen to someone say to my face a lot of ignorant comments about mental illness such as its caused by drugs among other negative stereotypes. I was so speechless and angry at this person's ignorance that I didnt say anything in response out of fear of revealing my own struggle with PTSD, anxiety and depression. So I wrote this from Ian's point of view since I know there is a lot of unfair stigma surrounding bipolar disorder and any kind of mental illness especially in my country. But I was just so angry at myself for saying nothing that I needed to write this story to calm down.
> 
> In this story Ian is 23 and Mickey is 24.  
> __________________________________________________________

It was late evening when Ian was sitting on the bench in the dugouts at the baseball field and right now he didnt want to go home to his house where he lived with his boyfriend for the last six years. He didnt go home because he was just too angry and felt too full of rage over those hurtful words aimed at him from a co-worker he didnt get on with at all. In fact they both practically hated one another but somehow maintained an icy civility towards each other.

The asshole was an arrogant douchebag that thought they were better than everyone else especially people from the Southside and made it clear on that opinion. Ian just ignored him and didnt let on he was from the Southisde as there was no reason to provide the douchebag with ammunition. As Ian slid his phone into his pocket after texting his boyfriend where he was he knew Mickey wouldn't be long showing up.

Right now though he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts and he couldn't get those cruel words out of his head as he stared through the chain link fence and across the field as it got darker. Even though it was the middle of winter Ian just pulled his coat tighter on him and pulled the sleeves down over his hands as he let out a shaky breath of tension.

He really tried to calm himself down knowing that the stress wasn't doing him any good at all. He couldn't get rid of the rage and anger running through him over the conversation with that same arrogant douchebag at work and he knew he should just forget about it. But he couldn't forget about, he tried to ignore it but he failed because on some level he knew that asshole and his cruel words were right.

At the time he felt like the asshole was talking about him and he just felt demeaned on the spot. Ian just felt like punching someone and he wished he punched the fucker in the face because he knew Mickey would have done it with no hesitation. He angrily wiped his eyes with his fingers as his tears of frustration at the conversation started to sink in a little more and it just made him regret that he didnt punch the ignorant asshole at work.

The only reason he didnt was because he needed his job and couldn't afford to be fired since he needed the money to pay his bills and for his meds which he hated a lot. He bitterly scoffed as he remembered all the bottles of different medications he had at home in his bedroom that were just a constant reminder that he wasn't normal and never would be no matter how much he convinced himself he was normal. He could hear the echoes of what that asshole at work told him whisper away in the back of his mind as he thought he hated the stupid medications.

After the shitty day he had he knew if he went home after work he would throw them in the bin so he would never have to look at them ever again. So he picked the safer option which was why he was sitting here in the freezing cold until he calmed down enough to go home. He didnt realize he had been here for hours until Mickey called him on the phone before telling his boyfriend where he was right now before telling Ian he was on his way.

Ian didnt know how Mickey was always able to read his moods without him actually saying anything and it just made him glad that Mickey was also his best friend topped off with being his boyfriend. But then they had been best friends for their whole lives long before they ever started up their relationship. He couldn't remember a time when Mickey wasn't by his side at all since they were always around each other and they didnt give a fuck what anyone else had to say on the issue.

Ian heard footsteps and rubbed his face with his hand before looking over to see Mickey walking over to him and standing across from him to lean against the low wall and chain link fence. Ian didnt really know what to say and looked at him mumbling with sadness in his voice and all over his face "you didnt have to come down here" softly. Mickey silently looked at Ian resting his hands on the wall behind him and he knew Ian was pissed off and sad too.

He also knew his boyfriend too well and he knew his moods too and seeing the anger radiating off Ian told him it over his disorder and he was going to kill the fucker who said whatever he said to Ian. He knew Ian's mood was probably over one of the assholes he worked with and he knew Ian wouldn't punch the asshole because he didnt want to get fired but Mickey knew he would gladly do it for Ian.

He knew if he said anything Ian wouldn't want to talk about it and he knew from looking at Ian he was about to explode any minute now. He rubbed his face with his hand knowing he probably shouldn't but ploughed on with "you okay" curiously. Ian leaned back against the cold cement wall staring up at the cement roof while he defensively scoffed "the fuck do you think" angrily.

Mickey wasn't phased by it at all knowing Ian too well as he looked over his boyfriend asking "who do I need to kill" firmly. Ian glared off the to side across the field noticing darkness had fully descended into a cool clear frosty night as he almost hissed in a low voice "that asshole at work, one of these days I will punch him; fucker is lucky I need this job" angrily.

Mickey frowned while he looked at Ian asking with a hint of anger "the fuck did he say" curiously. Ian scoffed in disbelief almost growling "that mental illness isn't real" angrily and he really wished it was true because he wouldn't be stuck with Bipolar disorder. Mickey just frowned even more not hiding his confusion "he what" lightly as he thought some people were so fucking stupid.

Ian bitterly laughed as he looked at Mickey "fucker said its caused by drugs, claimed he knew someone that grew up a happy person until they turned to drugs and then they ended up with depression" firmly. Mickey didnt even get a chance to say anything as Ian added "I pointed out that someone can have a mental illness like depression for their whole life and put on a happy front in front of other people" firmly.

Mickey just looked confused "he really fucking said that drugs cause depression" not hiding the shock from his voice. Ian shook his head in disbelief "yeah" lightly knowing that it wasn't all he said on the issue of mental illness and other things too. Ian fell silent before adding "he said people just need to get over it, there's nothing wrong with them and their just looking for attention" firmly.

Mickey raised his eyebrows "what the fuck" angrily knowing right well that Ian was not looking for attention. Ever since Ian's diagnosis it was a hard struggle for them both but they made it work between them as they loved each other so much and they wanted to be with each other a lot more too. Ian struggled with his Bipolar disorder and Mickey struggled with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and anxiety issues.

Ian tensely sighed before replying "told him that people can go years with a mental illness and never know they have one until someone recognizes it" firmly. Mickey knew that was true as he only found out he had post traumatic stress disorder, depression and social anxiety because he went with Ian to his therapy sessions and after a while Mickey started to open up and talk about things in his life.

Even when he was first diagnosed he laughed at the therapist telling the guy he was full of shit and he would know if he had a mental illness. Mickey angrily scoffed "fucking right they can, I never knew I had PTSD and social anxiety and depression issues, just thought it was fucking normal until our therapist pointed it out" firmly. Mickey noticed Ian had calmed down a little and sat down the bench but gave Ian some space.

Ian turned in his seat to face Mickey and moved closer to his boyfriend so his chest was against his shoulder replying "told him the person he knew could have always had depression and didnt know what it was and turned to drugs to self medicate which just made it worse and it wasn't until they went to a therapist who told them they had depression" lightly.

A silence fell where Ian looked over Mickey's face before he shrugged his shoulder adding "you know like I did when my disorder started, even overdosed a few times and ended up in hospital" softly. Mickey felt relieved Ian didnt move away like he normally did when he wanted space so he moved closer to Ian as he looked at him asking "the asshole say to that" curiously.

Ian rolled his eyes replying "he said I was wrong and that it was the drugs that caused it" lightly. Mickey scoffed in disbelief "yeah fucking right, we both self medicated, you when your disorder started and I drank a lot and took drugs when I was younger to deal with shit or not deal with but whatever" firmly. Ian nodded in agreement while he rested his hand on top of Mickey's before adding "made the mistake of saying my mother is bipolar and that his argument is bullshit since she tried to jump off the roof because she was manic and tried to kill herself because she was depressed so he was wrong" lightly.

Mickey looked over Ian's sad face and now he felt angry and gripped Ian's hand in his own asking with cold anger in his voice "the fuck else did he say, if he said anything to you I'll kill him, get my brother and sister and chop him up and bury him in the fuckin river" firmly. Ian slightly grinned at the protectiveness from his boyfriend but he also knew he didnt need it either but he couldn't hide that it felt nice to be loved by Mickey.

Ian bitterly laughed as he rubbed his face with his other hand not able to look at his boyfriend but stared down at their hands replying in a whisper sadly adding "said that she was a psycho that should be locked up in a mental institution or she was looking for attention and there was nothing wrong with her" softly. Mickey almost growled "going to fucking kill that asshole" angrily.

Ian slightly smirked but it was gone as quick as it were there but the sadness and brokenness was all over his face as he whispered "me too" lightly. A tense silence fell before Ian added "he also said that those medicated freaks need to be locked up and put in a looney bin so the normal people don't have to deal with them everyday because they aren't normal" lightly not adding I'm not normal.

Mickey was raging now because no one said that about Ian either directly or indirectly to Ian or his own face if they valued their fucking lives as he hissed "really going to fucking kill that asshole" angrily. Ian slightly shook his head as he lightly gripped Mickey's hand in his own sadly admitting "its fine, he didnt know he was talking about me too" softly. Mickey frowned as he looked at Ian almost shouting "you don't need to be fucking locked up" angrily.

Ian felt sad now as he helplessly shrugged his shoulder looking at his boyfriend who he loved so much wetly admitting "at times I think he's not wrong, just look at all those bottles in our room at home" sadly. Mickey wasn't having it as he looked at Ian not hesitating "those bottles don't mean shit, its a fucking chemical imbalance and you've been stable for years, not like you've any control over your own fucking genetics" firmly.

Ian knew it was very true but at times he always doubted himself and he didnt know what he would do without Mickey to make him feel sane. Ian pulled himself right up against Mickey's side as he rested his other arm across Mickey's stomach as he looked at him "told him how does he know I don't have a mental illness and he said that I don't because I don't look like someone who does, I don't look like a crazy person but what he doesn't know is that I am crazy and probably a psycho too" softly and he didnt hide the self loathing from his voice.

Mickey looked away from Ian to glare across the field through the fence while shaking from anger and a mix of disbelief and wanting to kill the guy who made Ian feel this way. Mickey let out a tense exhale before looking at Ian "he's full of shit, doesn't even know what he's talking about, like how the fuck can you know if someone has a mental illness just from looking at them" angrily.

Ian scoffed "yeah pointed that out too but he couldn't answer" lightly. Ian shook his head not hiding the sadness from his face not really sure if he should say this but it was out before he could stop it as he whispered "he said that people with bipolar disorder and depression and anxiety aren't normal, they are damaged and no one will ever love them and they need to just get over it and quit whining because they aren't the only ones that go through shit" softly.

Ian wiped his watery eyes with his fingers hating that those words made him feel this way but those words cut so close to the bone because they hit a lot of raw nerves. He always felt that way about himself in the early days of his disorder and he nearly broke up with Mickey a few times over those kind of thoughts. But Mickey told him he didnt care because he wanted Ian a whole lot more, he loved Ian and he didnt care about some stupid disorder he never asked to have in the first place.

Mickey felt his eyes water and shook his head in frustration as he wrapped his arm around Ian's shoulders and pulled him closer to him knowing how much Ian had struggled with those exact thoughts in the past. He struggled with them so much Ian tried to break up with him a few times telling him he deserved better but Mickey convinced him that wasn't true at all.

So five years after Ian's diagnosis they were still together and now living together in the Milkovich house and Mickey proved Ian wrong in that he would never get tired of him and leave and just when Ian started to believe that some asshole brought up all those fears for Ian again. So yeah Mickey was going to kill the asshole the next time he saw him or at least beat the crap out of him to teach him a lesson and maybe persuade the asshole to quit his job.

Mickey used his other hand to rub Ian's arm as he lightly kissed Ian's head before and he didnt hide how much he meant his words of "I love you so much Ian, just ignore that asshole, doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about" firmly. Ian rested his head under Mickey's chin and rested his arm across his stomach while staring at the ground whispering in a sad voice "I know but what if he's right" lightly.

Mickey wasnt having it "he's not, I need you so much and anyway what the fuck is normal, its overrated anyway" firmly. Ian softly laughed as he rested his hand on Mickey's hip to pull himself closer even though he was nearly on top of his boyfriend but he didnt care as he replied "I need you too and its a good point about normal" lightly. Mickey wrapped both arms around Ian as he looked at him telling him "you're not a psycho" firmly.

Ian silently looked at him intensely and seeing no doubt on his face he knew Mickey was telling the truth. Mickey slightly laughed feeling uncomfortable under Ian's intense stare as he told him "if he wants to meet a real psycho I could always send him to visit Terry in jail" humouredly. Ian laughed as he wiped his eyes while still looking at his boyfriend replying "its a good idea, fucker would deserve it" lightly.

They fell into a silence and Ian didnt know if he should say it but he decided to just say it "he also said gay is a choice, that gay people could be straight if they really wanted to" lightly. Mickey bitterly scoffed "yeah like that fucking works, already tried to be straight and I'm still fucking gay" angrily as he thought over the awful things he was forced to do when he was still in the closet.

The things he did back then he never told Ian even though they were best friends for as long as they could remember before they started their relationship when Mickey was eighteen and Ian was seventeen. He didnt tell Ian because he didnt want to hurt his best friend and he knew Ian wouldn't stand for it and would probably pick with a fight with Terry.

Mickey wouldn't let that happen knowing that it would be a fight Ian would lose so he kept his mouth shut until now. The only reason he decided to tell Ian now was because he knew Terry was locked up and Ian wouldn't be able to pick a fight. Mickey didnt want to think of it anymore as he looked at Ian mumbling "didnt work did it, fell in love with your ass" lightly before he looked away from Ian hating himself for that admission. Ian softly grinned in amusement at his boyfriend softly laughing "yeah, love you too" lightly.

Mickey knew Ian was just making fun of him now so muttered "fuck off" but there no anger in voice at all and he hated it too. Ian just rested his hand on Mickey's waist and pulled them closer to each other on the bench and he didnt miss the way Mickey just kept his arms wrapped around him either. There was an uncomfortable silence and Ian hated saying that because now Mickey was all tense and he hated himself for bringing that up because he knew Mickey struggled with being gay for a long time.

Mickey rubbed his face with his hand before looking at Ian hesitantly forcing out "as you know my dad used to beat the shit out me but one time when I was on a job with him he forced me to bash a gay kid a few neighbourhoods over from here" lightly before staring at the ground. Ian frowned asking "what, when" curiously. Mickey glared out into the field as he scoffed "back when I was seventeen, said it was time I became a man or some shit" icily.

Ian scoffed knowing that a it was around the time things started up between them and they were just friends with benefits. Mickey shrugged his shoulder forcing out "I was supposed to kill the guy but I didnt, wasn't going to kill him because he was gay, thought it was bullshit what Terry was trying to do" lightly. Ian picked up on the self loathing in Mickey's voice but he wasn't having it "its not your fault he's a homophobic asshole" lightly.

Mickey nodded in agreement but he felt so guilty over that day and he still had nightmares about it "I know but I just cant forget it" lightly. There was a silence before Mickey added "anyway Terry shot the guy in the head and then beat the shit out of me for it" softly. Ian silently looked over his boyfriend's face before he scoffed "fucking hell, I knew he was an abusive asshole but I didnt think it was worse than I thought" icily.

Ian looked out towards the baseball field knowing if he knew all this years ago he would have killed Terry himself for putting his best friend in that position. Mickey lightly nudged Ian in the ribs as he looked at him "didnt tell you" lightly. Ian softly laughed as he looked at Mickey "I would have killed the fucker" firmly. Mickey softly laughed "I believe you, its why I said nothing" lightly. Ian kept his arm around Mickey's shoulders "good" softly.

Another silence fell as Mickey rubbed his face with hand hoping Ian wouldn't walk away after this and even thought he felt sick at the memory he forced out in a whisper "the next night I came home and he had a prostitute waiting for me, told me I had to fuck her or I would end up like that guy he shot, he held a gun at us the whole time" softly. Ian's mouth fell open and he just looked shocked and angry "why didnt you tell me" lightly as he remembered he hadn't seen Mickey for weeks around that time and he didnt know why until now.

Mickey looked down at the floor hating the tears in his eyes whispering "couldn't, wasn't even really sure what happened until I started therapy with you" softly. Ian hissed "if he wasn't in jail I'd fucking kill him" angrily. Mickey laughed "okay tough guy, I know you fucking would" lightly. A tense silence fell before Ian admitted "I wish I knew" softly. Mickey looked at Ian and he hated the broken look on Ian's face but that look was why he didnt tell Ian what happened at the time.

Mickey rested his hand on Ian's thigh before pushing on with the rest of the story. Mickey leaned his head back against the cold cement wall as he looked at his best friend and boyfriend "a few days after that cops came knocking on the door, said he was wanted for murder, they had evidence he murdered the guy he made me beat up" lightly. Mickey almost laughed at Ian's confusion so added "there was a witness that saw the whole thing from down the street, got the evidence on his phone and waited until Terry left and called the cops" firmly.

Ian frowned as he mumbled "shit, you know who it was" curiously. Mickey just felt too much guilt and regret and Ian being all over him was just too much. He needed space so stood up and leaned against the low wall of the dugouts in front of Ian with his arms crossed over his chest as he looked at the ground again forcing out in a whisper "cops told me it was the victim's boyfriend, if the guy didnt get it all on his phone Terry would still be walking around but its my fault that guy is dead" not hiding the sadness in his voice.

Ian remained sitting on the bench knowing that Mickey needed space right now so he told him "its not your fault, you didnt kill him, you said you weren't going to kill him" firmly. Those words didnt make Mickey feel any better as he glanced up at Ian while shrugging his shoulder in defeat because he wasn't sure if he would ever stop blaming himself for that day.

Ian leaned forward on the bench as he gripped it with his hands looking at Mickey asking "how did you not end up in jail" curiously. Mickey didnt get it at all, he didnt get why Ian wasn't angry with him and sort of wished he did tell Ian a lot sooner. But he was telling him now so he told Ian "cops offered me a deal, told me they knew I was forced into it and if I told them everything about that day and Terry's involvement in illegal activities they would let me walk, it was Terry they were after so I told them everything and they threw the book at him" lightly.

Ian let all that information sink in and faltered before asking "is that why he is in jail, you never told me what happened" curiously. Mickey lightly nodded as he replied in a sad whisper "yeah but I didnt say anything as I was afraid you'd hate me, wouldn't want to be with me anymore" softly but he didnt add he hated himself and felt too ashamed to say anything about it. Ian understood it but he didnt agree with it as he looked at his boyfriend "I'd never hate you, might be pissed at you" lightly.

Mickey softly laughed "fuck off" but there was slight defensiveness in his voice. Ian leaned back in his seat against the cement wall as a silence fell while they let the seriousness of the conversation pass over and sink in a little more. Ian let out a sad sigh "wish you told me" lightly. Mickey looked up at Ian "just didnt want to bother you with it, you didnt need my shit" softly.

Ian completely got that because there was times he didnt want to bother Mickey with the shit in his own head but he just wished he knew because he just felt like he could have helped in some way. Mickey rubbed his face with his hand and turned around to stare out into the dark field as he noticed the street lights in the distance outside the baseball field. The night was quiet and even though it was cold it felt nice here with Ian like they were the only two people in the world right in their own private spot.

As Mickey stood on the spot in the comfortable silence he gripped the chain link fence and looked through it realizing he just felt caged in like a prisoner trapped in his own mind. He just felt trapped in so much self loathing and guilt and while it wasn't as strong as it used to be sometimes the feelings just came crashing back around him especially since Ian was the only person he told outside his therapist.

Even though Mickey was glad Ian was giving him some space he also hated the loss of contact from his boyfriend but he just felt angry and that day still haunted him even though it happened years ago. He hated talking about it in therapy and he didnt want to talk about it now or probably ever but some part of him was glad he finally told Ian. Mickey felt that sadness again and rubbed his eyes with his other hand when he heard Ian say "I'm sorry" firmly.

Mickey gripped the fence tighter with his fingers still hating that he was taking this out on Ian and glanced over his shoulder while replying in a whisper "its okay, its not your fault" softly. Ian sat back against the wall as he looked at Mickey and just silently looked at him hating there was nothing he could say to that and he had a feeling Mickey wouldn't want to hear what was on his mind right now.

He wanted to tell Mickey that day wasn't his fault and what happened after it also wasn't his fault but he knew those words wouldn't be much comfort to Mickey so he remained silent. Mickey knew he wasn't angry at Ian so he turned around and noticed Ian looked all sad again and was staring at the ground. Mickey felt annoyed with himself that he came down here to see what was up with Ian and even though he wanted to tell Ian what happened some day it wasn't supposed to be tonight.

He just felt like he was in a bad mood now and he hated that he took it out on his boyfriend too. As he leaned against the wall wishing they could go home because it was starting to get colder he forced out "Ian don't blame yourself, you didnt know because I didnt tell you" firmly. Ian bitterly scoffed as he stood up to look at Mickey not hiding the self loathing from his voice "I know but I could have helped you, you were avoiding me for weeks and I just thought you were busy, I'm such a fucking idiot" not hiding how angry he felt over it all.

Mickey wasn't having it as he watched Ian's face contort with anger and regret as he replied "it doesn't matter, it was back when your disorder was starting and I didnt really like that I was gay back then even if we were fucking each other and shit" firmly. Ian scoffed in disbelief as he paced back and forth in front of Mickey but on some level he knew Mickey was right in what he had just said because it was true.

Mickey didnt really know what he could say as he watched Ian try to keep himself together so he just remained silent until Ian calmed down. When Ian did calm down after a few minutes he stood in front of Mickey asking "you hate being gay now" curiously. Mickey gripped the wall with his hands as he stared at Ian before replying "no I don't but occasionally I do, get those feelings that I'm wrong or some shit, guess Terry's shit is still in there somewhere" icily.

Ian nodded as he looked down at the ground again hating that their lives were this way and he wondered if Mickey ever regretted ever starting things up between them all those years ago. Mickey pushed himself off the wall and stepped closer to Ian and grabbed the front of his coat to pull Ian closer to him before he leaned back against the wall. He slightly grinned when Ian followed him resting his hands on his boyfriends hips while mumbling "still mad at you for not telling me" lightly.

Mickey looked at Ian seeing right through the lie scoffing "no you're fucking not" humouredly. Ian scoffed as he looked at Mickey asking "how do you know" defensively. Mickey rested his hands on Ian's waist and could feel Ian's body heat through all the layers of clothes not hesitating "you forget I know you, know when your manic or depressed or just pissed off at me and right now your pissed off at me but not so much now" firmly.

Ian rolled his eyes while fighting back a smile at that knowing it was true but he hated it at the same time. Ian leaned his head back to look up at the clear night sky noticing the faint starlight that could be seen from the ground while letting out a tense sigh before looking at Mickey with a blank expression. Mickey rested his hand on Ian's warm neck as he looked at him "I was just trying to keep you away from Terry's shit, I needed to deal with my own shit first and you had your own shit to deal with too" firmly.

Ian nodded taking it as an answer knowing that at the time his disorder was just starting to develop "yeah I know" softly. Mickey saw the sadness all over Ian's face and wrapped his arms around Ian's shoulders pulling him in for a tight hug and he sighed into it when Ian stepped right up against him and hugged him back tightly burying his face in Mickey's neck and tightly gripping the back of his coat while inhaling the familiar smell he loved so much.

They stayed liked that for a few minutes before Ian rested he forehead against Mickey's and lightly kissed him on the lips before he stepped backwards and sat down on the bench. Mickey hated he instantly missed Ian stepping away from him but he ignored it and reached into his pocket for a cigarette and took it out before lighting it up and sitting down on the bench beside Ian as they shared the cigarette.

They fell into a comfortable silence for a while as they got lost in their own thoughts before Ian sat up a little to face Mickey almost sighing "going back to what I was talking about earlier, I just get tired of all those kind of comments, like snap out of it or get over it and shit like that" softly. Ian looked down at the ground as he added "even if they don't know I'm bipolar I just hate the comments, that mental illness is just one big joke or we're just written off as crazy or looking for attention" lightly.

Mickey looked at Ian while he scoffed "got that fucking right" knowing would never think any of those things about Ian or anyone else. He knew the struggle was real for both himself and even more for Ian as he added "they don't know what the fuck they're talking about, might think differently if they went through what I did with Terry or had your disorder" firmly. Ian nodded in agreement as he looked at Mickey not hiding his insecurities asking "you wont ever leave me right" hating that this fear raided its ugly head again.

Mickey silently looked at Ian and seeing the sadness in his eyes rested his hand on the back of Ian's head not even hesitating "not in a billion fucking years" firmly. Ian looked over Mickey's face and seeing no hint of a lie lightly smiled to himself as he admitted "same with me about you, need you too much" firmly. Mickey knew that was his own fear too and he was glad Ian said it because he never got tired of that reassurance but the heavy emotion was a bit too much for him so he lightly mocked "looks like we're stuck with each other" lightly.

Ian was glad of the break in the seriousness of their conversation so he laughed "fucking right we are, just us and we don't need anyone else" firmly. Mickey softly laughed "fucking right we dont" firmly. Mickey felt cold and stood in front of Ian as he looked down at him with a small grin on face. Ian stood up in front of him to which Mickey just grabbed the front of Ian's coat with his hand to pull them closer together. Ian stepped forward resting his hands on Mickey's hips as he looked at him muttering "I'm cold" softly.

Mickey softly laughed at his idiot boyfriend "that's what you get for sitting out here for the last few hours" humouredly. Ian softly laughed knowing that was true as he kissed his boyfriend on the lips and just as he pulled away he felt Mickey's hand on the back of his head as the kiss grew deeper and more intense. Ian steered them backwards into the dark corner of the dugouts where the darkness of the night gave them total privacy.

Mickey pushed Ian against the wall and pressed himself right up against his boyfriend feeling every inch of his warm body through all their winter layers. He silently looked over Ian's face as he rested his hands on Ian's hips and he knew he wasn't lying "I love you so fucking much" not even caring how lame he sounded because it was true. Ian brightly grinned as he looked at his boyfriend while wrapping his arms around his back replying "love you more" lightly before internally cringing at the words but he knew it was true.

Mickey softly laughed as he rested his hand on the back of Ian's neck "come here" before he kissed his boyfriend wondering how he ended up with this idiot but he knew he wouldn't ever not want Ian as they continued their hot and heavy make out session in the dark corner of the dugouts. They didnt know how long they had been there but when the cold eventually got to them they left the dugouts and headed straight for home to continue what they started in their warm bedroom.

* * *

 

A few days had passed and Ian came home from work in a good mood to see Mickey lying on the sofa smoking a joint with a grin on his face. He walked over to the sofa and sat on top of his boyfriend's abdomen and looked down at him with a grin on his face and he took the joint from Mickey and smoked it in silence. Mickey rested his hands on Ian's thighs taking comfort in the warmth coming from Ian while feeling a little uncomfortable under his boyfriend's intense stare.

Mickey slightly laughed "the fuck you looking at" curiously. Ian finished off the rest of the weed and stubbed it in the ashtray that was sitting on the sofa beside Mickey before he put it on the floor. He sat back up and then moved to lie between Mickey's legs resting his forearms each side of Mickey's head looking at him suspiciously "funny thing happened today" lightly.

Mickey played dumb as he looked over Ian's face thinking that Ian was the hottest guy he had ever seen and he was lucky to have to him asking "what happened" lightly while resting his hands on Ian's hips before sliding his fingers under Ian's hoodie feeling warm skin under his fingers. Ian looked down at his boyfriend as he scoffed "that asshole at work came back in after lunch today beaten to a pulp, said he quit before he walked out, you didnt have anything to do with that" more a question than a statement.

Mickey had everything to do with it. The day after they left the dugouts Mickey hid in one of the doorways across from where Ian worked until the asshole in question left the building. He didnt get the chance to do anything until today but seeing Ian's face filled with happiness he knew he would literally do anything for Ian. Mickey tried not to laugh as he faked an innocent expression "nope" firmly but he could tell Ian wasn't believing it for a second.

Ian looked at him in disbelief "so I told you what happened and then today he gets the shit beaten out of him and quits while glaring at me as he left" lightly. Mickey groaned as wrapped his arms around Ian's back resting his hand between his shoulder blades while knowing Ian knew the truth and he didnt look away admitting "fucker deserved it, shouldn't be a problem anymore since I convinced him to quit" firmly.

Ian shook his head in disbelief not able to stop the smile on his face "you didnt have to do that, I can handle him, he just got to me the other day" lightly. Mickey felt a little defensive as shoved Ian with his leg while he scoffed "didnt do it for you" lightly knowing it was lie. Ian flinched at the movement but saw it for the lie it was so he kissed his boyfriend on the lips and Mickey rested his hand on the back of Ian's neck not even caring that Ian didnt believe him because he did do it for Ian.

When they stopped kissing Mickey looked up at Ian admitting "I did it for both of us, I knew you wouldn't do it because you don't want to lose your job and he talked shit about you and wasn't getting away with it, fucker needed to be taught a lesson" firmly. Ian looked down at the floor looking a little sheepish while realizing Mickey would always have his back before he looked at him not hesitating "I love you" firmly knowing it wasn't a lie.

Mickey slightly laughed wondering if he would ever get used to Ian looking at him so intensely "love you more" firmly. They silently looked at each other before Mickey pulled Ian back down whispering "come here" lightly before he went back to kissing his boyfriend. As they became more intimate Ian realized that asshole didnt even matter anymore. Even though he bought up all his fear and insecurities about his disorder Ian knew Mickey would always have his back and he knew he would always have Mickey's back too.

Ian thought of something else and stopped kissing his boyfriend and rested his forehead against Mickey's as he told him "oh I forgot to tell you what else he said" firmly. Mickey who had his hand down the back of Ian's jeans and getting more turned on by his hot boyfriend lying on top of him by the second groaned hating that Ian just stopped kissing him so intensely. He glared at Ian hissing "you're telling me this now" angrily.

Mickey didnt hide his frustrated expression as he pushed himself up against Ian adding "do I look like I care about that asshole right now" firmly. Ian softly laughed at the movement so he slid his hand up under Mickey's tshirt taking comfort in warm skin under his fingers as he noticed it was his own tshirt his boyfriend was wearing not that he cared at all as he looked at Mickey "bet you're glad you beat him up now" lightly.

Mickey didnt care about that insensitive asshole anymore because he dealt with the issue and right now all he cared about was getting intimate with his boyfriend of over six years and hopefully for much longer too. So he pinched Ian's side hard and when Ian yelped he glared up at him as he scoffed "why you still talking about that asshole, I'm busy here" not hiding his frustration wondering why was he in love with this idiot.

Ian softly laughed as he rubbed his side with his hand looking down at his boyfriend wondering why was he in love with this idiot not knowing Mickey was thinking the same thing. Ian rested his forehead against Mickey's as he looked at him "good point" before his went back to kissing his boyfriend as they heavily made out on the sofa and forgot about everything else outside their apartment.  As they became more wrapped up in each other they both knew they would always have each other's back.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it this far thanks for reading and I hoped you liked it.


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